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You Will Love Again

by Kate Ferencz

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1.
Music Can you heal me I need your help so bad You've always been the one I put my faith in But I don't know if I've ever been this sad Come on Can you hear me I need that magic now To shape reality Into a place that I can stay Cause right now I just can't see the way how I can hold you for a little while And ease the pain you feel You can pretend like it's beautiful Which of course has some appeal But it's an iron dagger vs. an imaginary shield And this wound you have inside of you may never full heal No, no And when the agony subsides And no longer overwhelms your every day A tragedy is still a tragedy forever And the wrongness of it does not go away And is it the same with love Forever Infinity Undiminished I can't see it I just wish it worked out different Than how it did And words What good are you I've always used you to explain To break it down and reach a better understanding But the only thing I hear you say to me today is just pain I can hold you for a little while And ease the way you feel You can pretend like it's powerful And the good that does is real But it's an iron dagger vs. an imaginary sheild And this wound you have inside of you may never fully heal No, no
2.
Take Me Away 03:18
Tell me another story, any one but mine I don't like it here, I'm always crying all the tme I'm staring out the window, like pictures in a book The claustrophobic kind that you can't open, you can only look When I'd rather be nothing than something Change that channel to anything more comforting More than a little embarrassing how much I need you I watched a TV show about spirituality And I don't know how but I hope this TV show can save me And then I saw another show that had a more driving plot And I was sad before I put it on but during I forgot TV, take me away with you TV, take me away You don't know how much I look forward to this every day TV, take me away with you TV, take me away I promise I'll just watch and never participate The internet can read your thoughts It knows your address and your name It's got its claws inside your heart And venom coursing through your veins But TV's not about you, it is only there to entertain It doesn't ask you questions You can't do it wrong, it dulls the pain TV, take me away with you TV, take me away You don't know how much I look forward to this every day Take me, take me away with you Take me, take me away Away, take me away with you Away, away, away
3.
I don't want you to die die die I'd much prefer you live I don't want you to die die die But you already did You dodged that bullet once before Could you do it again You'd had some time, they gave you more It's a question of when But after that them demons Couldn't leave you well alone All like, If we cant meet in person Could it be over the phone And I don't want you to suffer Any more of this bullshit But there is only one way out And you're not taking it I don't know how to think a thought Or how to say a prayer But still I'm pretty sure This bitch ain't going anywhere Seriously There's someone up there who is looking out for you, girl There's someone up there who is looking out for you And I don't know what their problem is I don't know, I don't understand I really don't, no I don't want you to die die die I'd much prefer you live I don't want you to die die die But you already did Seriously
4.
She stopped making art She stopped making art and it breaks my heart She stopped making art and I know she's not the only one The world is so serious now The night is shivering and cold As we await the dawn It's been too long That day may never come She stopped making art She stopped making art, I know what that means The world is gonna have less beautiful things All of the light All of the joy It's all diminished now And hunted down Endangered and destroyed She stopped making art She stopped making art but I know she's smart Some people just do the same thing their whole lives Some people stop and think about what they are doing And come through with something new I wonder what, I wonder what I can't handle it She stopped making art She stopped she stopped she stopped she stopped she stopped she stopped she stopped she stop stop stop Come on, hold up, hear me out But what about your ceramics I liked those a lot You just can't argue with a mug or with a pot No you don't have to ask yourself what is it for I need something to put my plants in And I wish that you'd make more I got some other ones, yeah, come from the store But they don't make me happy No not like yours She stopped making art Yeah yeah, I know it's not easy I know everything costs money and time Psychic energy Steadily falling behind What ever you want whatever you thought you thought Give it all up, up In exchange for what But still
5.
The Holidays 03:20
I put some candles in the window to counteract the cold outside I guess that's better than nothing but that's not saying much, not really since my baby died I strung up rainbow lights to make the place look nice around here and the effect's a bit surreal it makes it seem like Christmas morning might if i liked Christmas the opposite of how i feel Every day try to do some normal stuff almost anything is better than just giving up try and make it so this world without your love in some fucked up way could somehow still be enough I lit a sparkler New Year's at midnight I had the hardest time getting that thing to light it finally got going, and then it just went out something was wrong, it couldn't even burn the whole way down if the alternative is going straight to bed might as well step outside and watch the fireworks explode instead Every day try to do some normal stuff so far I'm still committed pretty hard to not giving up try and make it so this world without your love in some fucked up way could somehow still be enough It's ridiculous, I know I can't get used to this but every day is a new day another new day without you another day I'm still alive another day with obligations I should get around to water the plants or whatever Every every day try to do some normal stuff almost anything is better than just giving up try and make it so this world without your love in some fucked up way could somehow still be enough
6.
Forever 03:04
There are good days And there are bad days And good parts of the day And bad parts of the day When I could go on forever this way And when I know that it's never OK When I could go on forever this way And when I know that' it's never OK I wish you'd text me back But I didn't text you I wish I could just call you But I can't figure out who There are the times when I take it personally Was everything cancelled, for real just like that Or was it for some reason just me I am the nightmare that replays itself behind your eyes Those times you lie in bed at night wide awake, paralyzed I am the guide that's come to show you through this kingdom of lies You knew the world would burn, now don't act so surprised There are the good days Failing that, there are the good parts There's always something The half empty glasses of blood That they've been siphoning out all our hearts And I could go on forever Forever, forever, forever
7.
I'm a monster in the shape of a man I wear somebody else's skin the best I can I look all right, but something's wrong I might be doing worse than I let on There's only hammers here Hammers and nails And all the usual destruction that entails I fight these troubling impulses 'cause I care It's harder than it looks, that's why I'm scared It's the heat, the hate, it's getting hotter It's the flies on the meat getting rottener and rottener The war, the weight, it's getting heavier The fever in the world is getting sweatier and sweatier That sticky glue that fails to hold anything together It's all murder, murder, melting in the weird uncanny weather I am a monster I am a monster I am a monster I am I am I am I I'm a monster in the shape of a man I play this poorly written part the best I can I say the lines, but something's wrong I might be doing worse than I let on
8.
I hate your car I'm gonna kill your car Gonna hurt it bad Gonna hit it hard Gonna make it scream Gonna make it cry It's a blood sacrifice That thing is gonna die Now go on Dig a hole Can you carry it in your arms Yeah yeah Can you feel the impossible weight No you can't No why not You never knew what love was You never knew anything was alive You've been already dead this whole Goddamn time Dig it down Dig that hole Can you feel it The pain of the earth Yeah Having unleashed the power of American energy It's the energy that's going to kill you And I will break your car personally Mercilessly Mercilessly OK I hate your car I'm gonna kill your car Gonna hurt it bad Gonna hit it hard Gonna make it scream Gonna make it cry It's a blood sacrifice That thing is gonna die Now go on
9.
Violence 03:09
Violence, violence, what are we doing here What the hell happened to you This obsession with everything death Torture torture, uh-huh What the hell, how is that what we do It's the breakdown The puzzle reverted to meaningless shapes When the image has all come undone Until I can't remember your face or your name Or a single damn thing about anyone Is it violence, violence, violence, just let me guess Has there ever been anything else Now your locked in a room for your own good With nothing and no one alone and chained to yourself Chained Mercilessly Forever To that weakest link Shame Shrouded in silence And obscene Suffering Is it violence, violence, violence everywhere It's in me and I know it's in you How can anyone hope to forget it for long enough Just to get anything done Let alone try to love or forgive Another flawed human Violence, violence, violence everywhere It's in me and I know it's in you How can anyone hope to forget it for long enough Just to relax and have fun Let alone try to love or forgive How to love or forgive How to love or forgive How to love
10.
Some denominations claim this religion is finished God is gone and he's not coming back Others never gave up hope like that Others never gave up hope like that There are people who will tell you that there's nothing more to say It's just dead words when we pray Others think it's still alive today That it could really be alive today Get the shovel Dig up the radio Hit it a couple times See if it still works Years without music And now every song is my favorite song Years without music And now every song is my favorite song And they're playing them all, it's a miracle Years, years And they're playing them all, it's a miracle Years And who cares about tomorrow; we'll deal with it then I know we're gonna have to bury everything again It don't end well, but we can pretend You're beautiful and you're my best friend So throw me in with it next time under the burning sand Tonight we're gonna listen to as many of these motherfuckers as we can Years without music And now every song is my favorite song Years without music And now every song is my favorite song And they're playing them all, it's a miracle Years, years And they're playing them all, it's a miracle Years And they're playing them all, it's a miracle Years

about

This is music to cry to. You could maybe also dance to it. Either way, the goal is some kind of catharsis.

Recorded alone at home using a combination of computers and tape recorders, these fuzzy analog beats wrap you in a warm blanket while the words get into some heavy stuff about grief and loss. It’s been a weird, intense couple of years, you know? Kate Ferencz is an unreliable narrator whose tone alternates between comforting, confiding, encouraging, sinister and sometimes threatening.

The overriding theme is the question of how to keep going when things are absolutely not OK, and this often involves sitting with uncomfortable truths. The opening track, Can You Heal Me, questions the extent to which music can effectively combat despair. It might not be enough, but sometimes it’s all you have.

credits

released December 2, 2022

Written and produced by Kate Ferencz

Laughter on I'm A Monster by Madelena Mak

Bass on Hate Your Car by Ben Furgal

Mastered by Mickey Freeland

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Kate Ferencz Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

pronounced kAYT fer-ENZ

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