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What Was The World

by Kate Ferencz

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1.
Can you get rid of what’s unnecessary Can you hold still Can you hear your own thoughts You’re not supposed to eat the fairy food We might have done it anyway A hundred wasted years ago and so enchanting Have you been ever really sure of anything Beliefs when held up to the light are all disintegrating Is it worth it Is it worth it There isn’t very much time Can you get rid of what’s unnecessary Can you slow down Can you leave me alone I don’t recognize this place anymore Although I’m pretty sure I never left home If it was severed at the wrist would you still hold my hand I got so tired of pretending that I like your band Is it worth it Is it worth it There isn’t very much time Who do you really love What do you really want What do you really think There isn’t very much time You’re not supposed to think about it You’re not supposed to say it Even if it’s true I made a list of all the pros and cons And now I kinda know what’s going on Who do you really love What do you really want What do you really think There isn’t very much time
2.
There’s a person whose job is to stop you There’s a person whose job is to stop you There’s a person whose job is to stop you From doing the important work that you were born to do There’s a person whose job is to stop you There’s a person whose job is to stop you There’s a person whose job is to stop you From crossing everything all out and starting over new Paint the piece of paper black Paint the table the paper is on black And any other objects that rest on the table The wall, the floor, your shoes, the negative space If they cut off your hand is it still you If they cut off your arm is it still you If they want your whole torso Your heart and your lungs and whatever else is there What are you gonna do If they… We signed up for dystopia It was a failure of imagination We signed up for the Devil in manageable increments It was the price of freedom We signed up for dystopia It was a failure of imagination Don’t you wish you’d thought of anything better Don’t you wish you’d thought of anything If they cut off your nose is it still you If they cut off your face is it still you If they want your whole brain, the whole thing Not just a little part of it what are you gonna do Paint the piece of paper black Paint the table the paper is on black And anything that stands in your way on the table The chairs, the seizure inducing fluorescent lights And the person whose job is to stop you There’s a person whose job is to stop you There’s a person whose job is to stop you From chewing a hole in the world and escaping through
3.
4.
The Demon 03:01
If you could rearrange the letters just a little bit And make it spell a different word I know the thing you really said was different from the other thing That everybody thought they heard He figured out that some atrocity with no specific law against it wasn’t a crime It was the technicality that he’d been looking for and now he does it every time If your boyfriend is a sociopath is it ok No one will ever talk to you about it until it’s too late She said, “I think there might be something wrong, I don’t know what to do” It’s all right, it’s nothing serious, there is something wrong with you too There is something wrong with you two They figured out that even if there was a law against it nobody who mattered cared They figured out that you can run the program more efficiently if everybody’s scared They went to church They didn’t know it was a church, they called it by a different name The thing they worshipped there enjoyed all the adoration lavished on it all the same You weren’t making any sense But you meant every indecipherable thing you said And I don’t know what she was thinking Is it ok That can be difficult to determine You can walk on off over the edge of that cliff And you can keep on going like that for a long time But no it’s probably not forever No I mean no it’s only whatever works For as long as it works, for as long as it works For as long as can you really, can you really believe Your human face was breaking I could see the demon there behind it I could see the demon there behind it I could see the demon there behind it
5.
One if your eyes is alive One of your eyes is a lie It’s not a glass eye The whole surrounding area is plastic One of your eyes is alive It’s desperately jerking around like a fish in the sky Something’s gone wrong, I’m not from around here I don’t understand it, I don’t know why One of your eyes is alive My entire being’s a lie Your other eye, it went on vacation Somewhere better than here, now it’s doing fine The plastic eye says, I can’t see I’m working on just being me At first you don’t succeed The thing you have to do before that is you have to try
6.
It’s not over, it’s just broken It’s not broken, it just hurts If you can put something together after ripping it apart You’ll understand how it works I heard they picked you up in your wheelchair And held you up there real high You might never walk again but for a minute you could fly Till they let you down Till they let you down The show must go on so it’s going And it’s never not been that way It’s just not working in a manner that is harder to ignore Than what seemed functional enough yesterday And whoever did this to you or if you did it yourself If you thought you should go to Hell so you went on and went to Hell Did you like it Where you happy Do you miss it there Could you imagine ever being anywhere else It’s not over, it’s just broken Are we evil or just cursed If you can take it down beyond all resurrection Well, at least then you’ll understand what it’s worth I heard they picked you up in your wheelchair And held you up over their heads For all those times you felt so lonely and you wished you were dead But the thing is that you aren’t No at least not yet For now you’re gonna have to think of something else to do instead
7.
Tultepec 02:16
It was God It was a murder Some kind of horrible mistake It was too great to be an accident Alive and concentrating on the fire And at the center of the miracle was your body burning It was war It was barbaric For entertainment and no reason like all wars A natural disaster It was God It was the mind of God A giant brain the size of a mountain and the neurons all were firing Too many, too fast, they couldn’t stop I was too shocked to do anything but watch The leaves are the stars and the roots are in Hell And at the center of the miracle was your body burning Hey, what do you wanna do today I don’t know, maybe we could try to do the most evil thing we can think of I don’t really wanna do that, what if we try to be good What if we try to do something really uplifting and beautiful That sounds like a lot of work, and I don’t know how Well if I don’t wanna do that, and you don’t wanna do that Maybe we could think of some kind of compromise And at the center of the miracle was your body burning
8.
Punch 02:30
Punch punch punch punch Punching bag punching bag Punch punch punch punch Don’t hit back don’t talk back Punch punch punch The sugary red liquid Punch this dummy thinks it might deserve to live I got no face to see where you might be coming from I got no legs without which there is no way to run I got no place to go, nothing else I would rather do Than just stay here with you Or without you it makes no difference There’s an angel and it’s trying to talk to you But it’s having trouble with the transformation it’s going through How to reconfigure this body into a form that a human could recognize So it slithers like a snake back into an old skin that’s the wrong size And again the great deceiver asks Could you make it a little less magnificent A little less A little less I got no idea And I got no name As much violence as possible Conveniently without the pain Don’t think back Don’t shrink back Don’t flinch Don’t feel Don’t ask yourself What would I be doing if this were real I got no no no no no no no no no No organs to sustain any actual damage Thank God
9.
Heaven 02:02
Your songs are the saddest songs So wrong you couldn’t go on Why’d you have to go and do that They were already sad enough Your songs are my favorite songs I can’t stand to listen very long And you had to And you had to They were already good enough And now I’m in Heaven It’s excruciating Heaven Heaven Heaven Dead or dreaming Lost to legend Heaven Heaven It’s excruciating They were already good enough They were good enough before and now Your songs are the saddest songs That great and terrible beyond Why’d you have to go and do that They were already sad enough Your songs are my favorite songs I’m not listening anymore I’m not I’m not And you had to And you had to They were already good enough And now I’m in Heaven It’s excruciating Heaven Heaven Heaven Disembodied Lost to legend Heaven Heaven It’s excruciating They were already good enough They were good enough before and now
10.
Enemies 03:23
I built this dungeon so we could be punished together forever I built this dungeon so we could be safe from the light of the sun I had this habit of absentmindedly laying down all these stones One on top of the other I couldn’t tell you why I hope you like it I built this dungeon The things you say The things you do The things you don’t The things you mean to The things you choose The things you allow to be chosen for you The things you give The things you take The things you take until the break The things you give until you break The things you hold on to Because you don’t know that it’s ok to let go I built this dungeon so we could be punished together forever I preferred the impossible burden to getting things done I had this habit of not looking up at the world when I’m walking around I took one step down And another step down And another step down Do you know how to love your enemies Do you know how to love your friends If you don’t even know who they are Do you still have to love them then Do you know how to hate your enemies Do you know how to hate your friends If you don’t know how to tell the difference Do you still have to love them then Do you have to Do you have to Do you know how much you mean to Do you have to Do you have to What if you don’t have it in you Do you have to Do you have to Do you know how much you mean to Do you have to Do you have to Do you have to Do you have to
11.
The Reality 03:05
I could not bear the shame of this menial task set before me the rest of my life So now may I please get dehumanized in some new way that is slightly more dignified Everyone here does the stupidest things for a living Suffering for our art Not just for it’s own sake, not cause somebody asked you to You chose this for a reason You chose this I need you to focus I need you I need you I need you to Understand what the stakes are You already gave up on reality Don’t give up on the dream If you try to get out of the woods now You’ll find that that trail of crumbs is all eaten It’s a place you can go It’s a place where you used to go Somewhere you’ve never been It’s the place where they asked you to leave And said next time you come here we’re not gonna let you back in Now I’m wondering where is the What was the why did you Why did you stop what you do I believed in you I woke up I’d been somewhere else I tried to make sense of my present surroundings For some reason this time it’s harder than usual To forget what I’ve seen There’s a voice that don’t know what it’s doing And it’s been saying some difficult things I’d been talking to myself this whole time The trouble is that I had also been listening We’re all encouraged not to We’re told, walk away from that beautiful, dangerous Dangerous dangerous beautiful dangerous freedom Spoke to me and it told me things It said You already gave up on reality Don’t give up on the dream If you try to get back into civilization You’ll find out there’s no such thing You already gave up on reality The thing is So did everyone else Where is the world What was the world What was it like there and why did we squander it
12.
Your mind is mine all mine I have known you inside out for a long time Your mind is mine all mine I have known you inside out for a long time They can make it how you want it They can make it exactly right The first attempt wasn’t perfect The 20th was Even if it was missing something Even if it was, even if it was missing something Even if it was, I can’t get mad at you Whatever it was I can’t imagine I could never really Your mind is mine all mine I have known you inside out for a long time Your mind is mine all mine When the boundaries are weak and ill defined They can make it how you want it They know you better than you know yourself Does it feel good to be understood that well To be understood that well I can make it how you want it And I’ve been listening to all your prayers I know they weren’t meant for me but guess what I can hear you, I exist, and I care Your mind is mine all mine I have known you inside out for a long time Your mind is mine all mine It’s to bring them all and in the darkness bind They can make it how you want it They can make it how you want it but will they Let’s eat candy for dinner again every day They can make it And they can take it away

about

Your understanding of the whole situation here is flawed
There are a number of considerations you seem to have forgot
You’re asking all the wrong questions
Words can’t explain
The only thing you really care about is pain

You see it everywhere
It’s not a good idea
How did you get that way
It must be so upsetting for you

But what about the nausea
What about the fear
What about the part where I feel fine when I’m not here
What about the fever
What about the blood
How could you ever forget about the blood when we need it to live
But I guess you did

I’m pretty sure the Devil wants blood
And the Devil wants your blood
But all that blood is stuck inside of your body
And it belongs to you
The Devil wants blood
And the Devil wants more than your blood
And you could try to be cooperative
But do you think that you can really give the Devil only some of what it wants

I wanna know
What’s the entire transaction
What they say they’re gonna give you in exchange for some (or all) of that blood
I bet it’s not much
I don’t think that you would be here
If you didn’t have some kind of unhealthy interest in the Devil
That’s what you and me have in common I guess

You see it everywhere
It’s not a good idea
It doesn’t have to be unless you’re sure you really want it
I wanna know what’s the opposite of sacrifice
How do you let something live

credits

released June 25, 2018

Songs by Kate Ferencz
Beats by Height Keech
Additional Instruments by Kate Ferencz
Mixed by Height Keech
Recorded at Magic Pictures
2018

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Kate Ferencz Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

pronounced kAYT fer-ENZ

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